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There is only one way to do marriage right: the way God says to do marriage!

Updated: Jul 12, 2020

God made marriage His last creation at the Garden of Eden: “The LORD God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.” (Genesis 2:18).

“Now the LORD God had formed out of the ground all the wild animals and all the birds in the sky. He brought them to the man to see what he would name them; and whatever the man called each living creature, that was its name. So the man gave names to all the livestock, the birds in the sky and all the wild animals. But for Adam no suitable helper was found.” (Genesis 2:19-20).

“So the LORD God caused the man to fall into a deep sleep; and while he was sleeping, he took one of the man’s ribs and then closed up the place with flesh.22 Then the LORD God made a woman from the rib he had taken out of the man, and he brought her to the man.”(Genesis 2:21-22).

“The man said, “This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called ‘woman,’ for she was taken out of man.”” (Genesis 2:23). “That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh.” (Genesis 2:24). Adam and his wife were both naked, and they felt no shame.” (Genesis 2:25).

There is no legal definition of marriage in any language anywhere in the world that does justice to this thing called marriage; because human beings do not understand what marriage is and what it is supposed to achieve and how it works. To us, marriage simply means two people coming together mutually agreeing to share their lives together and explore things jointly for their common good.

That is not what God created marriage to be. Marriage is a creation of God; in the same sense as the creation of the earth and the universe; and the creation of man and all living things. God created marriage after He created Eve. He took Eve to Adam and joined them in holy matrimony; thereby fulfilling His objective:“I will make a helper suitable for him.” (Genesis 2:18).And that was the first matrimonial ceremony on earth.

What does ‘helper suitable for him’ mean if not someone who will become one with Adam to give God ‘godly offspring’ (Malachi 2:15); and at the same time keep Adam from the sins of passion and desires of the flesh? The person suitable for Adam is going to be a helper to Adam, but more importantly,Adam’s relationship with that person must not cause Adam to stray from God.

This ‘helper’ must be primed for Adam’s salvation because God knew that Adam would fall into sin and would need to be redeemed. That is why there was darkness on the face of the earth at Genesis 1:2—darkness of heart which would eventually descend on the earth, brought about by Satan. No other helper would have been suitable for Adam apart from the woman, Eve, because God would not have it any other way. God had put a plan together to at some point in the future rescue man, and the only way that plan could work was to give Adam ‘a suitable helper’ who will help him succeed and find God again and receive His grace.

And what is that plan of God to keep Adam from falling more into sin, but instead to seek God and His forgiveness and mercy? Here is the passage from the Bible: 

“Another thing you do: You flood the LORD’s altar with tears. You weep and wail because he no longer looks with favor on your offerings or accepts them with pleasure from your hands. You ask, “Why?” It is because the LORD is the witness between you and the wife of your youth. You have been unfaithful to her, though she is your partner, the wife of your marriage covenant.” (Malachi2:13-14).

“Has not the one God made you? You belong to him in body and spirit. And what does the one God seek? Godly offspring. So be on your guard, and do not be unfaithful to the wife of your youth.”(Malachi 2:15).

“‘The man who hates and divorces his wife,’ says the LORD, the God of Israel, “does violence to the one he should protect,” says the LORD Almighty.” So be on your guard, and do not be unfaithful.”(Malachi 2:16).

“You have wearied the LORD with your words. “How have we wearied him?” you ask.

By saying, “All who do evil are good in the eyes of the LORD, and he is pleased with them” or “Where is the God of justice?”” (Malachi 2:17).

For those who believe that certain things God said in the Bible were meant for time past, and no longer apply to the modern man, consider the following passages from the Bible:

“David again brought together all the able young men of Israel—thirty thousand.2 He and all his men went to Baalah in Judah to bring up from there the ark of God, which is called by the Name,the name of the LORD Almighty, who is enthroned between the cherubim on the ark.3 They set the ark of God on a new cart and brought it from the house of Abinadab, which was on the hill. Uzzah and Ahio, sons of Abinadab, were guiding the new cart4 with the ark of God on it, and Ahio was walking in front of it.5 David and all Israel were celebrating with all their might before the LORD, with castanets, harps, lyres, timbrels, sistrums and cymbals.” (2 Samuel 6:1-5).

“When they came to the threshing floor of Nakon, Uzzah reached out and took hold of the ark of God, because the oxen stumbled. The LORD’s anger burned against Uzzah because of his irreverent act; therefore God struck him down, and he died there beside the ark of God.” (2 Samuel 6:6-7).

Then David was angry because the LORD’s wrath had broken out against Uzzah, and to this day that place is called Perez Uzzah.” (2 Samuel 6:8).

“David was afraid of the LORD that day and said, “How can the ark of the LORD ever come to me?”10 He was not willing to take the ark of the LORD to be with him in the City of David. Instead, he took it to the house of Obed-Edom the Gittite.11 The ark of the LORD remained in the house of Obed-Edom the Gittite for three months, and the LORD blessed him and his entire household.” (2 Samuel 6:9-11).

“After David had constructed buildings for himself in the City of David, he prepared a place for the ark of God and pitched a tent for it. Then David said, “No one but the Levites may carry the ark of God, because the LORD chose them to carry the ark of the LORD and to minister before him forever.””(1 Chronicles 15:1-2).

Then David summoned Zadok and Abiathar the priests, and Uriel, Asaiah, Joel, Shemaiah, Eliel and Amminadab the Levites. He said to them, “You are the heads of the Levitical families; you and your fellow Levites are to consecrate yourselves and bring up the ark of the LORD, the God of Israel, to the place I have prepared for it. It was because you, the Levites, did not bring it up the first time that the LORD our God broke out in anger against us. We did not inquire of him about how to do it in the prescribed way.” So the priests and Levites consecrated themselves in order to bring up the ark of the LORD, the God of Israel.15 And the Levites carried the ark of God with the poles on their shoulders, as Moses had commanded in accordance with the word of the LORD.

David told the leaders of the Levites to appoint their fellow Levites as musicians to make a joyful sound with musical instruments: lyres, harps and cymbals. “It was because you, the Levites, did not bring it up the first time that the LORD our God broke out in anger against us. We did not inquire of him about how to do it in the prescribed way.”David and the Israelites remembered what God had proclaimed from long ago and followed it as it was proclaimed and God’s grace went with them as they brought the ark of God into Jerusalem; in contrast to the disastrous outcome the first time they moved the ark.

Because God said something when mankind was first created on the earth; and because it has been a long time since God said it, does not mean that God no longer cares about it. God said that nothing that came out of His mouth will return to Him empty: it must achieve whatever He designated it to achieve. And God reminds us in many passage sin the Bible that He never changes and that His purpose must stand. He is the one who created marriage and He made clear why He created marriage; and was the one who officiated in the first marriage to kick it off.

Marriage was created by God to help mankind live holy. Marriage was created as a playground for practice holy living: marriage is designed to lead up to salvation. Marriage is a cover designed to neutralize the uncleanliness of sex. That is why sex outside marriage is sin and corrupts both the body and the soul. Nobody changes the law of God and remains safe and secure—any God’s law. Marriage is a creation of God which He made for one purpose and one purpose only—to make godly offspring. Anything outside of this is man’s so-called innovation in defiant of God.

And if the intent of man is to thrash everything God designed and made so he can corrupt the entire mankind and force God to change His mind; and accept man’s version of things in the place of His own, that is not going to work. Remember what God said to Elijah when Elijah thought he was the only godly person that had not bowed his knees to the Baal: “Yet I reserve seven thousand in Israel—all whose knees have not bowed down to Baal and whose mouths have not kissed him.'”(1 King 19:18).

The Lord will always have a remnant among mankind who love God and keep His commandments; and the Spirit of God will always shine God’s light on them everywhere they go and bring them into the kingdom of God. Here is the story of marriage: First, God created Adam. Sometime later, He put Adam to deep sleep and took something from him and created Eve with it. Then He joined them together in marriage and made them one again. At the sight of Eve, Adam who had no way of knowing how Eve was made exclaimed: “This is now bone of my bone and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called ‘woman,’ for she was taken out of man.”(Genesis 2:23).

And as a result of this extraordinary act performed by God, the Bible states: “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh.” (Genesis 2:24).

Here, God for the first time demonstrated that He really dwells inside man. He made man (Adam) proclaim something he was totally unaware of — something that was not within the man’s experience since the man was in deep sleep when it happened. When Adam was asleep (or under general anesthesia) he become oblivious of his surroundings and had no way of recalling accurately what happened to him and around him.

God, however, wrote the facts of the supernatural event on Adam’s heart and made him proclaim it for the records and to establish precedence for His continued communication with men henceforth. I believe in much the same manner, God made the first brothers, Cain and Abel, know what will be an acceptable sacrifice to God. Abel obeyed God and offered from His best harvest but Cain kept the best for himself and offered scraps to God. And we all know how that went.

God does not and will never hold anyone responsible for something He did not first make him or her aware of. By making Adam proclaim that Eve was an integral part of him, God left no doubt on Adam’s mind or anybody else’ as to how a wife needs to be treated: with love and care because your wife is an inseparable part of you.

When a woman marries a man, she becomes one and the same body with the man in the eyes of God (Matthew 19:4-6). Although the world does not see it, they have in deed become two souls in a common supernatural body. This is not symbolic. It is as real as you and I are real. If God who created both man and marriage said it is that way, it definitely is.

Therefore, anytime, anywhere and anyhow a man and a woman join their souls together in marriage, God becomes their witness and holds them to that commitment: God considers them as one from that point forward.

As a result, marriage is more powerful than any human social system understands it to be. ‘Two bodies becoming one body’ is not simply two people opting for mutual sharing and enjoyment. It is a supernatural union beyond man’s comprehension and control. But because man believes he is in charge of his own destiny, he attempts to reduce everything to a level he could control and manage. And man’s attempt at managing and controlling marriage has been nothing but a disaster, especially in the so-called civilized societies around the world.

Marriage, therefore, is not just another relationship. Marriage is the essence of who we have become. Just at the very moment any man and woman are joined together in marriage, they each take up this new identity: a husband and a wife, respectively; two parts of a new life coupled by God and confirmed sacred to the world. Being a husband does not simply denote a man’s relationship to that particular woman.

Being a husband denotes a man’s new identity according to God’s designation. It is also intended by God to denote the man’s identity with respect to the world. Becoming a husband to a woman becomes a lens through which God looks at the man and measures his effectiveness in the duties God assigns to the man. The man is no longer counted alone; he is always counted with his wife, and vice versa.

Being married to each other is what the man and woman in marriage has become and must remain to the end of their natural lives. (Matthew 5:32, Matthew 19:8-9). It is not just a relationship; it is their new joint identity and must remain that way till one of them dies. Their new identity is a joint identity; yet disparate, as they each has a disparate role to play in their new state of existence. Being married to each other is now the person they have become — the one body the Bible describes — and must be treated as such by everyone. Any consideration anywhere in the world for the man involves consideration for the woman he is married to, and vice versa.

That is why after listening to Jesus’ description of what marriage was intended to be, “The disciples said to him, ‘If this is the situation between a husband and a wife, it is better not to marry.'” (Matthew 19:10).

And to their comment “Jesus replied, not everyone can accept this word, but to only those to whom it has been given. For some are eunuchs because they were born that way; others were made that way by men; and others have renounced marriage because of the kingdom of heaven. The one who can accept this should accept it.” (Matthew 19:11-12).

The ‘word’ that Jesus was referring to here is the cogent observation made by His disciples: ‘If this is the situation between a husband and a wife, it is better not to marry.’ Jesus is saying that those who have the natural ability to resist getting involved with the opposite sex, and possibly messing their lives up, should accept the observation and abstain from marriage and sexual relations. That is precisely why He enumerated His response using the eunuchs.

Eunuchs have no sexual drive and as such are not worried about committing sexual sins. And those who had made the commitment to be celibate, like Apostle Paul, also could train themselves to stay away from sexual relations and possible sexual atrocities if their faith in God is as strong as it needs to be. By implication, any man or woman who is interested in sex and procreation must be ready to abide by God’s rule pertaining to marriage and sex and be answerable to God for all our actions. There is no other way around it, except of course celibacy.

Apostle Paul echoed this revelation of Jesus Christ in his letter to the Corinthians

“Are you married? Do not seek a divorce. Are you unmarried? Do not look for a wife. But if you do marry, you have not sinned; and if a virgin marries, she has not sinned. But those who marry will face many troubles in this life, and I want to spare you this.” (1 Corinthians 7:27-28).

“What I mean, brothers, is that the time is short. From now on those who have wives should live as if they had none; those who mourn, as if they did not; those who are happy, as if they were not; those who buy something, as if they were not theirs to keep; those who use the things of the world, as if not engrossed in them. For this world in its present form is passing away.” (1 Corinthians 7:29-31).

“I would like you to be free from concern. An unmarried man is concerned about the Lord’s affairs — how he can please the Lord. But a married man is concerned about the affairs of this world — how he can please his wife — and his interests are divided. An unmarried woman or virgin is concerned about the Lord’s affairs: Her aim is to be devoted to the Lord in both body and spirit. But a married woman is concerned about the affairs of this world — how she can please her husband. I am saying this for your own good, not to restrict you, but that you may live in a right way in undivided devotion to the Lord.” (1 Corinthians 7:32-35).

Jesus Christ was saying that marriage is not meant for everybody except for those who have accepted to go through it as God designs it. And knowing man’s apparent inability to abide by anything as God intended it and even directs us to, the Scriptures warn: “those who marry will face many troubles in this life.” This applies to believers and non-believers alike, unless one treats marriage exactly as described in the Scriptures by God, His Son Jesus Christ and His messengers. The Bible says: “Circumcision is nothing, and uncircumcision is nothing. Keeping God’s commands is what counts.” (1 Corinthians 7:19).

In other words, what you believe in, or how you believe, does not mean anything with respect to God’s acceptance and approval of your methods in life. The only thing that counts and earns you God’s acceptance, approval and reward is your unconditional obedience to God’s commands, small or big. Therefore, if you want a successful and rewarding marriage, treat your spouse and your marriage the way God commanded you to or you will have troubles. You cannot hide under the law of your country, culture or religion; God’s law supersedes all human laws.

Marriage must be as God designs it or there will be consequences. Anyone who chooses to get married has entered into a contract with God to be held responsible for everything that happens in his or her marriage(good or bad). Andthat person must be ready to give account to God on all of things.

When Esau entered an agreement with his twin brother, Jacob, he believed it was harmless because he had decided in his heart that it was; and there was no precedence he knew of that would accord his brother what his brother was asking for. So he agreed with his brother just to get a bowl of soup.

Later, he painfully discovered that their verbal contract was not harmless, but rather had stripped him of his birthright. He did not believe that his agreeing with his brother was a big deal but it turned out that way because God has a law that warns us not to strike hand in oath with anyone unless we are ready to go through with the arrangement. It only takes two to enter an agreement and God is always a witness to any agreement on this earth.

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